Saturday, January 22, 2011

A cop’s family is his Achilles’ heel.

It's quiet now and I can think. Richard's gone.

How can I have been such a fool? Richard wasn't interested in me. Our relationship was never about me. It was all about Larry. All he wanted was Larry's destruction and I was the most effective tool for making that happen. There goes my self respect.

God, how could I have been so blind? It's so obvious now that the blinkers have been removed. I was so obsessed with Larry, I didn't see how I was being manipulated. Richard was that little voice on my shoulder telling me to do this and do that. It seemed like my will was driving everything, but I was nothing more than a puppet. When he pulled my strings, I danced.

A cop's family is his Achilles' heel. It's always vulnerable to attack and I'd just proved the point.

When Richard came by the house, I thought he'd come for me. I'd gotten to like his late night visits. This time it was different. There was no concern in his voice or care in his touch. He was hard and unforgiving. He'd come to drop the bomb that Larry was involved in a triple murder. He tossed Larry's old .38 on the floor at my feet, safely contained in an evidence bag. That was the murder weapon. The impossibility of that made all the sense I needed to understand the situation. I'd been used. Richard came by for one reason and one reason only—to keep me quiet. If I talked, I was an accessory. His grabbing me by the throat and telling me as much to rub my nose in the truth was an unnecessary gesture.

Now that I'm alone, typing this, I see the trouble I'm in and the peril I've put Larry in. I just didn't want Larry getting joint custody. How did three people end up dead because of it? Worse, I just don't see a way out of it for me.

Victoria is calling me from the top of the stairs. I see the fear and sadness in her eyes. How do I make this best for her?

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