Friday, January 28, 2011

I’m living in the aftermath and I’m okay with it.

Lauren did it. She and Larry saved each other. The truth is coming out about Richard's corrupt dealings with drug cartels and the plan to set Larry up as a fall guy. It also means my misguided part in all this is coming out too. I'm okay with that. I deserve to be punished. I'm guilty. Of what, I'm not sure. Small mindedness seems to fit best.

My lawyer is trying to strike a deal in return for my information, not that I know a lot. All I can do is give them a couple of pieces to a much larger puzzle. Larry is working angles from his side for me too.

I don't deserve his kindness. For everything I've done to try and ruin him, he forgives me. This mess has made see the man I fell in love with. There's no chance of us getting back together again, but I do see us being civil with a joint aim in life—our daughter. There's still a good man underneath the grime. Recent events have served as a wakeup call. If he ever needed a reason to turn his life around he's got one now. Larry and my lawyer both tell me I won't escape prison time, but it shouldn't be too much if the DA and judge are understanding. Someone is going to have to take care of Victoria. I trust Larry, but only the clean and sober Larry, and even Larry recognizes that. I believe in Larry right now, despite everything. He'll be a good father again. That fills me with hope while I'm in prison.

Prison, the word fills me with dread, but I know I can survive it. Larry tells me the key to surviving is seeing a time and place beyond prison and I can, even now. I can see me enjoying watching my daughter grow into a young woman. I can see a good home life. I see happiness. I see it all. Prison will be good for me, I think. It'll be a time to reinvent and forgive myself.

I have to wrap this up now. My lawyer says I shouldn't share any more details with you all from now on. And they don't allow computer access where I'm going.

Don't fear for me. Just let this be a warning to anyone thinking about letting their baser emotions take over.

Be good to yourself and the people around you,

Jennifer Hayes


  1. Hi I’m Heather! Please email me when you get a chance! HeatherVonsj(at)gmail(dot)com




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